Ok, I'm so excited about starting this, but I'm kind of a little nervous and this feels a little awkward too, because I have no idea what's gonna happen with it. On my first ever blog, I want to give a little background on what my religious "journey" has looked like so far, so this might be a little long.
One main thing you should now about me is that on a at least a basic level, my faith in God has existed my whole life. I was baptized as a baby, I'm growing up in a Lutheran family that goes to church every Sunday morning, and i have only ever gone to private Lutheran schools. Honestly, I'm pretty sheltered when it comes to knowing an environment there the main influences are trying to lead me astray, or even just situations that may cause me to question my beliefs. In the past, I've been pretty satisfied and even proud of what my walk with God has been like. You know, the whole straight and narrow path that i've been raised to follow, being obedient, honest, respectful, praying before meals and before bedtime. I've taken a religion class every year of my education so far, and i can answer most of the questions asked in Sunday school or bible class. Mostly it's just the basic things that have been enforced with me since I was a really young child. I'm really grateful that I've had all these privileges to learn to rely on God whenever I need help or give Him glory when things go well. I know that I'm saved and will have an eternal life in heaven after this life.
However, this year things have started to change. I didn't make a New Year's resolution to grow closer to God, in fact I didn't really think I needed to change my situation at all. But for some reason I've been noticing the way people i know/follow on social media/randomly see at churches are so confident and public in their faith. I'm not talking about praying in the streets to show off and make themselves seem more righteous than others. I mean they aren't afraid of what other people think about them when they are worshipping, praying, and just living their daily lives by God's instructions. I have to be honest, at the beginning I was so sure that i was doing things right and it seemed really cheesy to be doing that kind of thing. I felt like I was really close to God, but that doesn't mean i cried when i prayed, closed my eyes and danced a little when i sang, or anything like that. But constantly I just kept seeing more examples of this open faith in my friends who had started going to Second Saturday, and my Sunday school leader changed the direction of our lessons to be more about quiet devotional times, prayer, and testimonies.
Also, for 3 weeks the chapels at school were "taken over" by the family that leads the Second Saturday events (the Wenz family), so they were really powerful messages, really energetic and joyous songs, and the energy was different than usual. The 1st week, i was really impressed and touched by the testimony Mrs. Wenz gave during the message.
Then on the 2nd week, everything really started to change for me. It was led by a group of friends who had come together through God and they get a couple times a week to worship, pray, and talk over things going on in their lives. I don't know what hit me, whether it was the way they all obviously cared about each other, how close they were to each other and how they talked about God with so much confidence, or something else. Especially in the moment, i didn't know what was going on, but when everyone was dismissed to go to lunch and we were allowed to stay behind and just talk to the people, i didn't feel like leaving. I sat there by one of my friends just thinking about how everything had been like a sign that I should try to change up and deepen my relationship with God. Not in a way that was changing what things i believed in, but just how i go about being a Christian. I say i have a connection with God, but what makes it seem like i really am any different from somebody who doesn't?
Mrs. Wenz came over to us and asked if we wanted to talk, or if there was anything on our minds specifically that she could help us with. I kind of shook my head because i literally had no idea what was going on in my mind, and i felt like if i tried to say anything i would choke up and start crying. She stayed and held our hands and continually spoke words of encouragement to us, and after not too long there were tears running down my face, and i still had no idea why. I was sobbing and overwhelmed with emotions but i don't think any of them were negative because I had been having the best days ever without any bad points during those 2 weeks. This might sound cringey or really cheesy or something but i honestly don't care- i felt the holy spirit in a way i never had before like i could actually feel something different than usual, i don't know how to describe it accurately but i just felt a lot of relief from a stress i didn't know i had.
Looking around, there were still quite a few people in the room and most of them were crying too.
(quick note: Elena was one of the people that was really sticking out to me and inspiring me because of a change in her personality, and she was really constantly energetic, positive, either singing/humming Christian songs, journaling about faith related things or talking about God)
She came over and asked me if i wanted to go pray, and so i did. She asked me if there was anything specifically going on that she could pray for, and i told her i didn't know what was going on i just couldn't stop crying and i wanted to pray-so we did. I went back and sat down with the rest of the girls in my class, and we were pretty much just hugging each other and crying. I was so happy that we were all able to bond over something like this without caring about judgement and stuff like that, and it made me feel really comfortable and just overall more confident that God had His hand in my life and His plan for all of us is completely 100% good. When i looked back and saw my little sister sitting quietly by herself, i waved her over and she came up and sat by me. We aren't usually very close except for when we are really struggling with something, so holding each other crying and not even needing to talk was really special and completely unexpected. So yeah, there was a lot of sappy stuff going on and i had no idea how to handle it but i was so happy this whole time. We ended up spending all 50 minutes of lunch in there, and even into the beginning of classes. I was in some sort of daze of the rest of school but everything was really positive and... yeah I don't know how to explain it but it has been literally life changing and it has really changed my outlook on what my faith can look like.
There was another chapel the next week that had a powerful impact on me too, and i will probably go into more depth in a different post because that's a whole 'nother story that I'm still trying to work out myself. It has to do with opening myself up to God in praying, and not just talking to Him, but actually listening earnestly waiting for a response to follow and use as guidance.
This past weekend, I attended my first actual Second Saturday event, and again it as really powerful and inspiring. I ended up meeting new people, laughing a lot, crying a lot, and I felt completely comfortable opening up about things I'm currently struggling with. I could not have expected a change like this to occur in my life right now, especially when i hadn't even realized that I could change (or should change) my relationship with God for the better.
Anyways, thats just some stuff that has been going on lately and kind of what has made me want to start this. One final thing that i want to mention is how, like i said, i did not think something like this was ever going to happen to me, and i kind of thought my ties with God had already been strengthened to their max. Hearing other people's testimonies honestly made me feel like my story wasn't significant and i was just your average Christian girl who's grown up surrounded by religion. i didn't think there was any way for my story change, I just assumed that this was it, i am going to have this faith for the rest of my life. But, now I've realized that there is always room for growth and you don't really have to have a tragic story or even a huge life changing moment to have a testimony that other people can relate to or learn from. This is the current topic in my Sunday school class, so i want to share some questions given to us to make us think about and evaluate our faith:
What was your life like before Christ?
Have you always been a Christian, or are you even a Christian today?
If you have always been a Christian, have there been any changes in the way you connect with God or how you feel about your faith?
What about your life sets you apart from a non-believer?
What about your life connects you and non-believers?
Whoo ok this is kinda scary being open about this for the first time, but like i said I'm also super excited so thanks for reading, hopefully there will be more stuff coming very soon!
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